By Definition I Am:

I am

Looked down upon

Told I shouldn’t have certain rights

Told I should burn in hell

But I am

Me

I am

Hated

Pitied

Prayed for

But I am

Me

I am

Queer, different, fag

Homo, bi, lesbo

Demi, poly, pan

But I am

Me

I am

Strong, courageous, fearless

Valid, human, worthy

Unique, brave, strange

But I am

Still

Me

And I will

Always be

Me

The Queer Monologue: Words From the Mouths of Many

You tell me I am confused, but really I am hurt. You tell me I’m too young to be sure, but I know myself. You tell me that it’ll pass, just a phase, teenage rebellion perhaps, and yes, maybe I will change over the years, but this is who I am. You ask me how could I do this to you, to the family? Ask God where I went wrong in my ways.

I tell you that if I had a choice, none of this would have happened. Do you really think I enjoy your rejection? Do you think I enjoy being ridiculed? Do you think I enjoy not being able to look in the mirror without hating what I see? Do you think I enjoy having my mental health deteriorate because you won’t let me be happy?

You tell me my pain isn’t real, I was put on this planet the way I was for a reason, but if that’s true, why am I causing myself this pain? Why am I putting myself through this torture of conformity? Why am I doing this? Why am I alive? 

For the family I didn’t want to upset? For the life I thought I had to live? Because I was told I was a sin, unnatural and impure. I did it to protect myself, hid who I was because I was so certain I would die if anyone found out. I was terrified. I was confused. I was questioning everything I knew and believed in.

Then I understood. Now I wear my identity proudly, waving my supposed unnaturalness like a flag, my flag, and I love the look on your face when you realize that you don’t control me anymore.

I love the look on your face, the one of defeat, the one where you know you can’t change me. I am too far gone in your eyes. I love the look on your face, the one that is so accepting and full of joy. It fills my heart to know you still love me.

I love looking into their eyes because it tells me that I am worthy, that I deserve so much more than I think, and I will never have to go back to a family that doesn’t deserve me. I love myself too much to go through that pain again.

I love myself now. It took years to teach myself that. I will never forget it.

You Hurt Me.

Do I disgust you?

When I kiss another guy

When I cross dress or wear makeup

When I tell you I want to marry him

Do I disgust you?

Do I anger you?

When I hold her hand

When I deny your advances to convince me otherwise

When I tell you I love her

Do I anger you?

Do I make you want to pray?

When I flatten my chest

When I deepen my voice

When I wear cologne

Do I make you want to pray?

Do I offend you?

When I correct my pronouns for you

When I wave my flag and scream my pride to the world

When I don’t conform to fit in your box of close minded normalcy

Do I offend you?

Good.

While I may do all of these things to you,

You do the same to me.

You anger me when you think that I’m not normal.

I am normal. I am enough.

Mostly though,

You hurt me.

You hurt me when you kill my friends and family

Because you are too full of hate to understand

I’m sorry that no one ever taught you how to love

And I pity you for not teaching yourself