The importance and use of boundaries is a concept that seems long forgotten. People assume that boundaries are only for strangers or new people in their life, but that simply is not true. Boundaries are important in new friendships and longtime relationships alike. I’m not only talking about the simple unspoken things like not touching in certain ways and not breaching certain topics, though they are of course included.

No, I’m talking about the kind you have to verbally set, clear ones. The kind that really can affect people, whether whether or not you believe it will.

Our first big example of this is the internet. Everyone knows that the internet can be an invasive place, but over the years it has gotten more and more extreme. The amount of comments left on peoples post, usually in a sexual context, without even knowing that person is insane. And no, I’m not talking about things like “hot” with a heart eyes emoji, but people go so far as to make specific comments about the creator’s body, what they would want the creator to do to them. In the event that the original posters are a couple, people try to dig into their intimate life. Unfortunately, even when people set boundaries, they are ignored as the internet can be ruthless. The lack of common sense and consideration these days is astounding.

A more prevalent type of boundary that isn’t commonly set, are boundaries in personal relationships– friends, family and significant others. I have a hard time doing this with everyone as it is a difficult and sometimes awkward thing to do. Setting boundaries with the people in your life can be difficult. Many people subscribe to the idea that boundaries are something that can be too numerous or too harsh.

The reality is that neither of those are true.

A boundary is something you set to make you more comfortable. Boundaries are vital for relationships. A lack of boundaries can cause uncomfortable tension and unnecessary problems. Family is another story, especially when you live with them. When one or both parents are headstrong, even asking for something as simple as space or privacy can set them off. I speak from experience on all of this.

Now this isn’t something you can give a full guide on, mostly because it depends on the person and situation. The best thing you can do is try to talk and communicate. And sadly, a lot of the time, people insist they have some right to not follow your boundary rules because you’re close or together and at that point there isn’t a lot one can do. At that point what might be needed is simply distance. That unfortunately doesn’t always work with all types of relationships.

People can be invasive. People sometimes will not take no for an answer. Boundaries can be difficult to set and even harder to maintain and enforce. They can hurt, but ultimately they are for the best. They prevent stress and pain, they improve relationships. A question to ask is– If someone isn’t willing to respect you, is it worth it?